Anxiety Disorder Help

[ramelec]

I would get some expert help on this subject (which happened 2 month ago) which I hope someone can help me. It's a hell. 

I been attuned to Level 1 Usui Reiki 2 weeks ago and I have been doing hand placements on myself. First week was ok..I can sleep well but following week when I was out of town, I lost my sleep even though I continue practising it daily. 

I still have a lot of faith in Reiki and I will continue practise, practise and practise.

I know there's also mindfulness meditation, can anyone please advise me on the tips on this as well as enhancing my (any further skills? attunentments?) to treat my condition?

Thanks

Jeffrey

[Che Guebuddha]

Hi Jeffery

I have seen your post and will try and answer in the evening when i come home.
Yes i do have some practical advice for you.

Thanks for asking.

Friendly Che

[ramelec]

Thanks Che. Looking forward for your advise.  I got 2 anxiety trigger point, one in early Dec and second one in mid January accidentally by my wife.  There's too many dramatic happening in my family.

I met a Vajramaster Drikung Kagyu buddhist master on a different country (which I went to see him 2 months ago)  and he recommends me to do Mindfulness meditation.  My mind is flying recently so I try to do this Mindfulness meditation (same as one of the user post). I see thoughts come and go..just acknowledge them..

Flying mind: (1) Unknown continous worry since the anxiety starts disappearing with medication
                 (2) Fear

Question:
1. Is this the best meditation to start off?
2. Even though I do this meditation before sleeping (yesterday), I got up from my sleep feeling worry and anxious at 4 am!
3. I saw this forum, there's different type of meditation....?
4. How long should I practise meditation? 15 mins? 30 mins? one in morning and one in night?
5. Do I need a solar plexus chakra cleansing?
6. Any advise will be very greatly and deeply appreciated.

I really need to calm my mind and mental but unfortunately i need some proper guidance.

Thanks.

[ramelec]

One point I have a very calm mindfulness meditation which I can forgo thoughts for 20 mins just then on the floor but moment I got into my bed I got slightly anxious  

One point how long will it takes the person to see the benefit and result of meditation?  If a person do it at night will he or she can manage the thoughts properly next day?

[Che Guebuddha]

Jeffrey,

yes there are many meditation techniques but dont worry about that now. You are showing interest towards the mindfulness meditation which in my experience is the one leading to Insight (Vipassana), percieving the things as they actualy are without fabricating anything..

It is of great importance not to mix diferent techniques and to chose one and stick with it for at least 4-5 month and do it daily.
So please set Reiki aside for the time being it is too ritualised and there is this confusing "dogma" hanging over the head especialy when effected by anxiety and similar ego-self dicorder.

Since you have problems with anxiety I would not advice you to do mindfulness as such but rather start with the Calm-Abiding Shamatha meditation. This meditation will help relaxing your body which is storing all the anxiety. Calm-abiding will lead you into awake relaxation, awareness of bodily sensations and arising thoughts and emotions, bliss and joy, equnimity and most importantly compassion
Sit in a comfortable position but make sure your back is erected. Sit on a chair if you cant sit cross legged or in Seiza. Close your eyes but so much they are still a bit open. Palms on your knees downwards.

Start relaxing your body with each in and out breath, being sensitive to bodily sensations and aware of thoughts and emotions. When thoughts and emotions arise, notice them and let go of them, do not cling to them, dont desire them dont reject them just gently let go of them by simply turning your awareness back to relaxing the body with each in and outbreath.
Do not force anything. Let the breathing be as it is. (shallow breathing can cause stiffness so make sure you realx into breathing with the belly but gently dont force anything). Breath in and out through the nose and focus on nothing. Some suggest concentrating on the nose some on the belly some on the heart ... let go of all these fabrications. No focus no concentration just gentle awareness of the whole body breathing, relaxing into it in a awake manner.

Sit every day for as much as you can. Do not over do it. Be gentle with your self. Most people start with 30 minutes twice  day and every month up it for 15 minutes until one reaches 2x 1 hour every day. If you feel at times that 30 minutes is too much just reduce it to 10 minutes or so. The importance is to keep tthe practice alive and continuous.

The anxiety is caused by the culturaly conditioned Self we call I, me or mine. Calm-abiding Mindfulness Meditation leads to the insight into the real nature of the conditioned Self. With such practice we learn to diferentiate from that culturaly conditioned fragmented self which is afraid, worried, angry, jelous, envious, anxious, paranoid, panicy etc ... once you start actualy (not intelectualy) gaining the insight the ego self will have less and less power over the actual you.
Responding will replace reacting. Compassionate percieveing will take place instead of being concerned only with the selfish ego self  

All these words I wrote mean nothing without you actualy giving this practice a chance and do it for several month. This meditation is not something you do and then stop. Being mindful Is being alive my friend. Living in ignorance is as good as being dead  

So dont think of it as something you do for a few days or weeks and then  you feel happy about everything. who is the one wanting to be happy? Who is the one suffering? Who is this one having anxiety, the one desiering certain states and rejecting others?
It is the habitual conditioned fragmented self, separating it self from all that Is and livign in past.

Take your life into your hands and take back the power over it by living in the now and this is not something you can achive by believing or having faith or hope (all these are jjust bunch of ideas, just an ego wishful thinking).

Meditation is not something we talk about but do it actualy by relaxing into it and being aware of all that Is without clingign to it.

Get started and then report with experiences in this thread. You will very likely have more questions my friend   but that too is OK. Be gentle with your self.

Dont forgett to find balance between the meditation life and the actual life. You cant make any progress if you watch 12 hours of horor movies even if you meditate for 10 hours a day  so be mindful of how you live keeping the body healthy and rested (jogging, sleeping enough, eat well, drink water, take D3 vitamin especialy while winter, be kind towards your self. This too shall pass. Cling to nothing not even the practice. Practice is there to help us live the actual life freely without being cought behind the tick and dark walls of ignorance. Shine the light of awareness into the conditioned self and get to know thy self 

I welcome you to the journey of your lifetime my friend.
Friendly Che

[ramelec]

I followed you technique and did 35 mins of meditation this morning (cross leg sitting on floor with back straight).  

I will keep continue doing it everyday morning and night.

I let the thoughts come and go, and there are times that I was talking to my mind.

I have emotional mood swings in the later morning... and afternoon a bit moody?  I believe this calls for more practise.

Question:
1) If doing this meditation in evening and somehow I fall asleep towards the end, is that something I should avoid?
2) Is it ok to do cardio exercise (i.e. running) in the morning after this meditation?

Please advise.

Thanks.

[Che Guebuddha]

I followed you technique and did 35 mins of meditation this morning (cross leg sitting on floor with back straight).
I will keep continue doing it everyday morning and night.

Good man for getting into it immediately    35 minutes is fine to start with.
Twice a day is very good. Try not to sit too close to bed time because when we are sleepy there is no meditation.

I let the thoughts come and go, and there are times that I was talking to my mind.

Dont worry about talking to your mind, it is normal. All you are to do is NOTICE the self talking to the mind and let go of it by returning to relaxing the body with each in and out breath, be aware of relaxing the body and be aware of the whole body breathing.

I have emotional mood swings in the later morning... and afternoon a bit moody?  I believe this calls for more practise.

This is not a race, take it easy. 35 minutes is plenty to start with. There is no way you can rush meditation or get better if you suddenly change to sitting 1 hour instead of 35 minutes.
Do not start creating a GOAL ORIENTATED practice. This too is fabrication. Let go of it and just observe what Is and go back to relaxing into the body. Relaxed body will stop releasing stress hormones and start releasing happy hormones like Serotonin and Dopamine. Do nothing more than noticing, letting go and returning to relaxing the body with each in and outbreath, let the body do the rest.

Question:
1) If doing this meditation in evening and somehow I fall asleep towards the end, is that something I should avoid?
2) Is it ok to do cardio exercise (i.e. running) in the morning after this meditation?

As I mentioned earlier, try not to do it close to the bed time, but if you feel tired all the evening than cold shower can help or you simply need more sleep in general. Also make sure to drink planty of water during the day. There is nothing much you are to avoid when doing such meditation, it is about letting things be as they are without involvment, without changing anythung.

Yes it is fine running after the meditation but not before meditating.

You are doing great my friend, keep at it.

Friendly Che

[ramelec]

Dear My Friend Che

Your positive words makes me happy and rest assure that I will keep doing that everyday.  I shouldn't have stop after the Vajramaster buddhist teacher advise but with my emotions flying - I should be more open towards meditation.

In your previous email, you mentioned:
The anxiety is caused by the culturaly conditioned Self we call I, me or mine. Calm-abiding Mindfulness Meditation leads to the insight into the real nature of the conditioned Self. With such practice we learn to diferentiate from that culturaly conditioned fragmented self which is afraid, worried, angry, jelous, envious, anxious, paranoid, panicy etc ... once you start actualy (not intelectualy) gaining the insight the ego self will have less and less power over the actual you.

For a person who regularly practises meditation, how would a person experience the real nature of conditioned self and gaining the insight the ego self?   I mean is that from the inner wisdom?

In my area, there's this Vipassana meditation retreat for straight full intensive 10 days - just wonder would it be any good or should I stick to calm abiding meditation?

[Che Guebuddha]

For a person who regularly practises meditation, how would a person experience the real nature of conditioned self and gaining the insight the ego self?   I mean is that from the inner wisdom?

I ment to write "un-real" "illusinory" nature of the habitul self. Our culture have shaped our minds e.g. my father is a big complainer and I too started complaining about everything. My mother is an agressive person so I too became agressive. my religion, my country, my this my that, so many diferent views and ideas that we took in for granted without questioning them, enslaved us into a cocoon of illusions.
The self is made of desires and aversions, from clinging. I like this, I dont like that, I want this, I dont want that, am I good or am I bad, etc ... the self is the creator of suffering, separating itself from all the rest of the universe.

Dont worry, this practice will show you actuale the nature of the self just keep practicing and let it come to you on its own accord, force nothing just let it be. The more you force the less you see and the more restless you will grow in your practice and in the off the cushion life. So take it easy and relax into it, be gentle to you self.
Dont ponder too much about it now and dont read books at the moment, they will only add more ideas into the already cluttered mind.
calm-abiding awareness is the way to go and such calm and aware mind will naturaly without force lead to insight, so worry not and let things be as they are just observe them and let go of them, cling not  and fabricate nothing.


I would not advice you to take the Goenka Vipassana 10 days course until you create a calm relaxed base. relax into it before going deeper into the rabbit hole. Practice calm abiding for at least 3-4 month before taking long retreats. Some people got seriously psychologicly damaged on these intense retreats because they didnt prepare them selves for it.
The self was conditioned for so many decades and we can not expect that the self sease to exhist in just 10 days 
It can take time and patience is importnat for the development of equnimity. This is not a race, rush nothing, rather learn to let go and just be.

Once you can sit comfortably with your self at leat 2 times a day for 1 hour each, only then would I advice to take the Vipassana retreat which is very intense. 10 days at least 10 hours of meditation per day ... my friend that is a roller coaster 

Friendly Che

[ramelec]

I sat 1 hour evening meditation and I was in such a relax state, not knowing if I am slight sleep or awake?? There is some thoughts that come with some uneasy feeling but i just recognize and let it go  
I stopped when I got a phone ring and got nervous. When I got up I had pins and needs on left leg!

Slept and got up at 4 am feeling anxiety.

Did meditation this morning..can't concentrate because wife was complaining in background.

[ramelec]

Does long term calm abiding meditation will also help improve sleep quality? Thanks

[Che Guebuddha]

I stopped when I got a phone ring and got nervous...
Did meditation this morning..can't concentrate because wife was complaining in background. 

Before I start to meditate I swich off all the phones and door bell and I ask my wife to kindly be quiet and if she watches the TV to use the headphones. To make the meditation more peaceful I use earpluggs (but only when necessery). It is very important to create an environment which doesnt distract too much. Get your self an alarm clock which can be heard through the ear pluggs and dont look at the clock rather put it somewhere behind your back.

Slept and got up at 4 am feeling anxiety....
Does long term calm abiding meditation will also help improve sleep quality

I can not tell what creates this anxiety of yours and in some cases people have strong traumas to deal with. Meditation helps bringing these up and talking therapy can help if done paralell with calm-abiding.
Calm-abiding will improve all aspects of life but one has to first deal and face the self and what comes from within. Not all people deal with the same traumatic load, so there are no rules.
Be gentle with your self and force nothing.

It helps to have a friend you can talk about your meditation experience in a case your wife cant. Not many people can feel what a meditator is going through because it is not an intelectual thing but one of an actual nature, therefore it is good to find a therapist who is familiar of meditation or simply talk to me over this forum or PM or even e-mail. i will also fix a Skype account in case you feel to talk directly with me.

NOTE! in a case you didnt hear me earlier, mindfulness meditation is not about silencing the agitated mind but gaining the ability to not cling to its desires and aversions which are causing suffering at the first place.
The side effect of that non-clinging is a calm and equinimus mind. By trying to achive thae calmness you actualy run away from it and will invoke more restlesness instead. Try and learn to let go and just keep calming with each breath you take, be aware and let go, but do not push the thoughts away.

Keep sitting, you are doing just fine 

Friendly Che

[Che Guebuddha]

Hi Jeffrey how are you feeling?

After your PM I came to make this drawing, and wanted to show it to you.

When I say try to diferentiate from the self I ment to diferentiate from the anxiety. On this photo under you will see two drawings. The first have drawing is the state you are in right now. The sate of engageing into the anxiety. There are two things happening at the moment. You have the anxiety and you are engageing into the anxiety (habitualy).



Each drawing has 3 circles representing Anxiety (outher), Mind (middle) and Body (inner) and 5 bridges which represent reactive (ignorant) engageing or in the second drawing it represents awareness (mindfuly engageing).

On the first drawing you are enageging into the anxiety. On the second you are learning through calm abiding to shift those bridges to connect to the body and calming it, relaxing into it. Like this the anxiety still remains but looses power because those bridges gives it power. Those bridges are the power cords for the anxiety to exsist. Dont cut the power cords but shift the the other way and connect to the body instead by doing calm-abiding.

The anxiety that is left without cords/bridges will still interfear because of the habit we have build around it, meaning that the mind will reconnect with the anxiety every now and then but that is not your worry. You just REMEMBER to notice this and shift back to the body relaxing.

The anxiety can live only if you feed it by clinging to it. The anxiety can take some time to go away because it is like a reservoar and even when we detach it still runns on the power taken from engaging. The reservoar is called the HABIT. The more often we remember to disengage the less power it will have over time and eventualy it will just vanish    That drawing would look like this;



Do not push the anxiety away that would be just another way of engageing. Going on and on about it is still enageging etc ... thinking about it as this anxiety is you is also engageing etc ...

I hope this drawing will make more sense to you now my friend 

Keep at it.

Friendly Che

[ramelec]

Dear Che

THank you for taking the tremendous effort in helping me during the difficult time.  The drawings makes a lot of senses!
1) If during meditation, your mind is clear without any thing pops up..is that normal?
2) Sometimes it feels that you are so calm, you are in semi sleeping state. Is it this should be avoided?
3) Without eyes semi open, is it ok to focus onto the nose?

Do you think you can add me at Skype as I PM you so that I can talk to you directly if necessary?

Thanks.

Best Regards
Jeffrey

[Che Guebuddha]

Do you think you can add me at Skype as I PM you so that I can talk to you directly if necessary?

I have sent you a PM. Did you get it?

[ramelec]

I' going throughvery difficult time as even though I meditated and lying in bed the anxiety crawls behind me. Did I do meditation incorrectly? I do need help.

[Che Guebuddha]

Can you describe the anxiety? How does it feel?
The only incorect meditation is the goal orientated practice. Let go and just relax into the body noticing all the thoguhts and sensations.
Did you get my last PM?

[ramelec]

The anxiety wants to purposely crop from behind and try to take over you. I started getting them at night. I take medication Xanax from my GP and all well under control while in holidays last 1-2 months. After the holiday, the anxious crops and come and haunt me like mad.   

I meditated for only 10 mins this morning.

I need to go to psychatrist for further evaluation. I want this life and I appreciate it a lot.

[Che Guebuddha]

How is my friend ramelec doing
Long time no see

May you be happy